Timehop - 20 Years Ago

Twenty years ago, I walked into a first grade classroom as a long term sub.  The position was only supposed to last until January, but I ended up there all year.  It's a year I'll never forget. My first few moments were panicked as these sweet little first graders started arriving and I thought, "What am I doing to do with these little kids?!?!"  Panic turned to wonder as these children turned my world upside down with their wonder, amazement and questions.  I learned quickly to follow their lead on questions and build upon their own curiosity.  We ended up building our own rainforest in the hallway outside our door because of questions they asked.  We created videos about the stories we were reading as students acted out favorite characters and scenes.  We moved our desks around to make our work more comfortable or we laid on the floor and stretched out to work.  We read books that had text that was comfortable for us as readers.  We wrote about the things we did in the classroom and I spent a lot of money on photos, actual photos that were pretty and glossy that showed our friends and our experiments and our life together. I remember being physically exhausted but mentally invigorated by the possibilities.  All the possibilities that this group of children possessed and all we were able to accomplish. 

Three years later, I would get my own classroom.  A place to knead and break and make my own for students who would need a home away from home. I would learn that pillows and bean bags and soft lighting make a classroom feel more comfortable. I would learn who Fountas and Pinnell were and how much they would make my teacher life easier with their independent and instructional reading levels.  I would learn that each group of students, each individual student was special and changed the way I approached content.  I would learn that I could not keep my lesson plans because I could never teach the same thing the same way twice.  I would learn to always look to my learners to find out what adventure we would go on each year. I would learn.  And continue to learn. 

The hardest lesson I would learn was that I did not fit the mold of many teachers.  I thought I was a broken model of what I should be.  Never living up to an ideal teacher.  My desk was messy because I didn't really sit there. I just threw papers on it.  I didn't follow a manual (if there was one) to a T because my students never fit it to a T.  I was always thinking of new ways to do things, not necessarily reinventing the wheel, but reinventing how the wheel would be used. And there was constantly glitter on my floor.  Getting reprimanded for being disorganized was crushing, but I learned how to be more organized and got back to what I was good at doing.  Being admonished for not being on the same exact Math Journal page as my colleagues was disappointing but I tried to hide what I was doing a bit more so they wouldn't notice.  And the glitter, well that just followed us around all day and I apologized to our custodial staff whenever it was apparent that the glitter had been out and heavily used.  I could not be like everyone else and as I began to own that, life as a teacher became a bit easier.   

It took me a long time to recognize that it wasn't me that was broken, it was the mold.  The mold felt constraining and restricting, but I never let it stop me from pushing forward to try new things, no matter how hard it got.  And I will keep pushing for my students now and those to come.   I will continue to learn. 


PS. It took me 10 years, but I did finally get rid of my teacher desk and I haven't missed it for one second!

Summer to Fall

Last week I finally  resolved to change my wardrobe over from summer to fall. It is truly the biggest challenge for me every year. I love all of my tank tops, skirts, flowy dresses and flip flops.  This is my favorite time of year.  And then October comes.  I start pulling out the bins of sweaters and pants and socks.  The uncomfortable clothes. It is not a fun activity for me, changing summer to fall.  I stall. I procrastinate. I may even sulk a little bit. I dread it. I’ve been working on it for three weeks now and maybe I will finish this weekend.  Maybe. I don’t want to do it.  My inner two year old self wants to throw a fit and demand that summer not be over.  But my inner mature adult self knows that if I don’t get it done I will be freezing cold and miserable.  This change is inevitable. And even though this happens every year, I still struggle with it. Every. Time.

This year, as I was digging in a bin for socks because I thought my toes might just fall off for how cold they were, I realized that this may be how teachers feel about change in their teaching: bringing in technology to do new things, designing flexible learning space that, flipping their classroom, project based learning. These New things make them feel uncomfortable.  They stall.  They procrastinate. They may even sulk a little bit. They dread it.  They say they don’t know how or why or they have no time.  But this change is inevitable.  Technology is ubiquitous. To our students the devices are always there. Always available to play a game or watch their favorite youtuber. These kids want to be youtubers when they grow up. It's a thing! And we are teaching them the way we were taught because it's what we do. But that's not ok. The weather is changing. The change is inevitable and we need to get moving.

Finding My Voice

Every year, around this time I seem to lose my voice. It gets scratchy, raspy and all together difficult to project.  I teach students technology everyday in classes and in smaller group settings while producing our school news show, News from the Nest.  In other words, I talk a lot.  And this year, like every other, I am drinking extra water and grabbing Halls in between classes. I know that this too shall bass and I will get my voice back, but some days are difficult to get through.

Back in 2008, I joined twitter.  I was overwhelmed and excited about the learning taking place there.  I went to PETE & C in Hershey, PA and found that there was so much for me to learn as a new Technology Teacher.  It was invigorating for me.  Over the course of the next few years, I would attend PETE & C again and learn about an amazing learning space: Educon.  My excitement for learning and sharing would increase and I would share with anyone and everyone about all of the things I was learning about.  But somewhere around 2011, I lost my voice.  My attitude became scratchy and edgy from the demands placed on me as a technology specialist and from the limitations I felt were being placed on me as a coach and innovator.  I'm a dreamer and I kept getting grounded.  Things were getting so bad that I thought by the end of this school year I would need to find a new career...then I went to Educon 2.6 and I found my voice.

I can't tell you there was an "a-ha" moment or some life changing conversation at Educon, but I can tell you that I came back to my position with a new sense of purpose.  Instead of dwelling on the negative things happening in my district, I want to bring about the change I see necessary for student and teacher success.  Instead of complaining about the issues or keeping my thoughts to myself, I started sharing my ideas of what we need to do as a district to turn the ship around.  Here is basically what I shared:

• Before we talk about technology integration, we need to talk about Core Values.  The Core Values will direct all that we do, decisions we make.  It's not about the technology, it's about the learning.
• Technology Integration will not take a strong root in 40 mins on a Day 4.  Coaches need to have regular meeting times with teachers where ideas, issues, troubleshooting and successes can be shared. 
• There is no magic device coming that is going to make this technology integration thing work like a charm.  We need to work with what we have in the present and plan for the future.
• Instead of cramming information down teachers throats, we need to have meaningful conversations around pedagogy and best practices.  Show them that technology is not a "throw it in at the end of a unit and make a pretty ____".  The technology should be like any other tool you use in teaching a lesson: there but not talked about.

I was nervous to share these ideas, thinking that I was just nailing the coffin shut on my career, but nothing bad happened.  In fact lots of good happened.  It opened up conversations with people who surprisingly shared the same opinions.  Here.  In my district.  Who would have thought?  I'm excited that change is coming, small maybe at first, but it's coming.  I'd like to think that finding my voice has made it come quicker.

A few years ago, I lost my voice.  Finding it again has been the best thing ever. So now I'm dreaming big dreams for my students, but that's another story.